Gruntipedia Fun: Lord Shithead
Sentinel: LD-SHTHD-0905-7237 more commonly known as "Lord Shithead" is a Sentinel stationed on Hula Hoop installation 03. He was created by some Forerunner that nobody knows or cares about, the Forerunner had a fetish for the color Blue, so he painted Shithead blue during Shithead's construction. During the Forerunner-Flood War, Lord Shithead was stationed on Installation 03 for some unknown reason. While he was on Installation 03, he met some monitor known as "666 Satan's Assbuddy". He conquered Satan's Assbuddy and now controls all the Forerunner objects on Hula Hoop 3. If you ever vacation on Installation 03, you may encounter Lord Shithead, he is sticks out easily because he's the only Sentinel with Facial Hair, he wears a crown, and he wears christmas ornaments on his arm...things. This is his story... Early Life Like I said, Shithead was created by a random Forerunner named "Antonio Banderes". When Shithead was "born", he was a boy, well, the thing is, is that robot's don't have a gender, but Shithead has a robotic male voice so I guess IT is a male. His first words were, "I'MMA LYRICAL WORDSMITH, YO!". Antonio enjoyed acting a phool with his newly created companion, but the Forerunner King guy decided that due to the Forerunner-Flood War, Shithead should be stationed on Installation 03. Antonio said, "THIS IS MY SHITHEAD! GO GET YOUR OWN!!!" so for disobeying the king, Antonio got Banhammered to the face, which killed him. Lord Shithead shouted, "Aww man dats not kool!!" at the Forerunner king guy. The Forerunner king guy then said, "You're going to Installation 03 whether you like it or not!" then he summoned 4 Huge Robotic Clusterfucks that took him to Installation 03 by grabbing him and flying off the planet and flying onto the surface of Installation 03.... Installation 03 While in space, Shithead struggled and squirmed but could not get out of the grip of the Enforcers. One of the Enforcers said, "One more squirm Sentinel, and I'll rip your eye from it's socket!" (Halo 2 Quote Intended). So then he was like, "Stop bullying me!!". No further words were spoken until they arrived at Installation 03. When they arrived a strange monitor with a green lightbulb appeared out of nowhere. The Monitor gave the Enforcers 10 bucks and they released Shithead then flew off. The Monitor said, "Hello, I am 666 Satan's Assbuddy, Monitor of Children's Peni...I mean, monitor of Installation 03." Shithead then got nervous, "You must be my newest Sentinel, and you're blue! What a sexy color! *Cat Purr*". Shithead then got really nervous, because he was a homophobe. They floated forward next to eachother, "So honey bunches, tell me what your name is" Satan's Assbuddy said. "Shithead, Lord Shithead, and if you ever call me 'honey bunches' again, I will stab you with my Jesus Knife." replied Shithead. Satan's Assbuddy then said "Rawr, someone's playing hard to get :)". Then suddenly, 4,349 meteors of AIDS crashed down onto the surface of Installation 03. Satan's Assbuddy then turned and faced the AIDS infestation and said, "Oh, shit just got real, battle stations everyone!" Then like a zillion forerunner robots including Sentinels and Enforcers, came out of a huge ass portal and starting protecting Installation 03's control room while the lazy Forerunners themselves sat there and done nothing. "No time to feel your huge biceps now Shithead! Go and fight dem bitchez" said Satan's Assbuddy... Battle of Space Donut 03 Shithead floated as fast as he could to the battle scene, mainly to get the fuck away from Satan's Assbuddy, then started POWNing about a million AIDS without the help of the other 'bots. A Forerunner Leper shot all of the non-infected Forerunners with some type of Forerunner Sniper Gun. Leaving about a bajillion dead Forerunner bodies on the ring's surface, and why? All because some dumbass Forerunner told them "You know, we could fight the AIDS ourselves, but let's not" nice going dipshit. The AIDS killed off the entire 'bot army, except Shithead. They thought (wait, they can't really think anyway, can they?) that there was nothing that would come in between them and the control room. Then Shithead quickly floated to the door of the control room. "If you suckas even touch the fucking doornob I'mma send you all back to hell just like I did to Walt Disney and N Sync!" said Lord Shithead, then Dr. Phil spoke through a random Leper and shouted "Ha! You and what army?!", Lord Shithead replied to the Leper and said, "I don't need an army, watch this!!!" Shithead then grew 50 times in size. Shithead then said, "IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZAAR!!!", then Dr. Phil spoke through the same Leper and said, "Hoe...Lee...Shi..." he didn't get to finish the word "Shit" because Shithead fired his huge ass lazor right then and blew them all the fuck up, it even killed the Tank Ubers. Satan's Assbudy commented on that and said, "Wow! My robot penis is SO HARD right now!!!" A few months after that epic battle, the Forerunners activated the Ark, killing everything, it was their version of a Nuke from Cock of Doody. The Second Battle of Space Donut 03 Around the time when Master Chief and The Arbitard were fucking around in Halo 3. Something was happening on the peaceful Installation 03. Lord Shithead was talking shit about Satan's Assbuddy behind his back to other 'bots. The 'bots that he was talking to we're fed up with 666's gayness as well. So they started a revolt against him. Lord Shithead did some kind of electrical thing with his 'bot soldiers so that 666 Satan's Assbuddy wouldn't be able to command them, and he programmed them to be under the command of himself. The new faction of 'bots was known as the "Powder Gangers" (fallout new vegas joke intended). The Powder Gangers attempted to Assassinate 666 Satan's Assbuddy. But they failed miserably because their beams missed him and he woke up from his sleep. When Satan's Assbuddy woke up he saw three Sentinels floating right in front of him. "What the heck are you guys doing?" he said. The Sentinels replied, "It was Lord Shithead's orders, and now you must die!". So then, Satan's Assbuddy then realized that Lord Shithead was not his bestie anymore. The Sentinels fired their beems at Satan's Assbuddy, but Satan's Assbudy did some evasive manuevers and dodged them. Then fired his huge ass monitor laser at the Powder Ganger assassins, killing all 3 of them. Then started the Second Battle of Installation 03 (also known as World War II) the remaining 'bots that were still loyal to 666 Satan's Assbuddy formed a faction known as the "New California Republic (NCR)" (Another Fallout New Vegas joke intended). It was a cold war, to this day you can still see the destroyed bodies of Sentinels and Enforcers from both factions. But like I said in the first paragraph of this article, Shithead's forces were victorious. The war ended when Shithead met up face to face with Satan's Assbuddy. Shithead was floating around one night when suddenly, Satan's Assbuddy floats up right in front of him,"You traitor! I used to love you but now I haet you >:(" Lord Shithead then replied, "You see, thats kind of why I betrayed you..." then Satan's Assbuddy replied confused, "WHY DID YOU?!?!" then Shithead answered, "Because of your homosexual behaviors, I mean, I'm not a homophobe but when you hit on me and other Sentinels 24/7, it gets very annoying..." then Satan's Assbuddy said, "Well! Excuse ME for being nice!". Shithead got pissed off and said, "Enough talk! Let's have our epic battle, NAO!!!". So they started firing their lazerz at eachother, after about 20 hours of pointless laser firing they realized that they were evenly matched. Fortunately for 666, Shithead didn't do that thing he did in the first battle of hula hoop 3, or 666 would have been FUCKED (it should be mentioned here that the 50X growth thing only happens when Shithead is EXTREMELY pissed off). But, Satan's Assbuddy ran out of lazer fuel, so he couldnt fire a lazer anymore. So that led to his uber pwnag from Lord Shithead firing it directly at Satan's Assbuddy without it overheated for exactly 9 Minutes. Satan's Assbuddy then exploded from the damage, leaving Shithead victorious and able to tea-bag Satan's Assbuddy's destroyed robot parts. When the war ended the remaining soldiers from both the NCR and the Powder Gangers united into one and Lord Shithead became their Leader. He actually became the monitor of Installation 03, not literally though, he still had the appearrance of a Sentinel but he had the role of a Monitor. He greets newcomers by saying, "Hello bitch, I'm Lord Shithead, monitor of Installation 03, yea I'm a Sentinel and I have the role of a monitor, big whoop, wanna fight about it?". But when the Human-Covenant War ended, Lord Shithead still commanded the 'bots on Space Donut 03, but he needed to make some money, so he decided to become a Bungie employee. So when he's at work, his son, Lord Shithead Junior (don't ask me how robots can reproduce), fullfills the role as leader of the 'bots on Installation 03. Life as a Bungie Employee Like I said, after the War of the Gays and the Uglys, Lord Shithead became a bungie employee. Did he like it? NO! He fucking hated it! He didn't like to deal with bitching fans and n00bs always emailing him saying "I CAN HAZ FLAMING HELMET NAO???". One day, he got an email from a wigger that was a halo fan. The email said, "Yo DaWg, WaTuP mAH NiKKA?? CaN U GiVe Me DaT rEc0n H3lMe7, tHanX bRaH - White Thuggsta" this made Lord Shithead very angry, he flew all the way to the Wigger's house and shot the wigger with his Sentinel Beam, which killed him. Then came about 10 other Wiggers that shot their water pistols at Lord Shithead. Lord Shithead retaliated at them and fired his laser at all of them, they dodged it, but one of the wiggers said, "Oh shit guys! He actually has a real gun! RUN!". So then the 10 wiggers ran away while leaving trails of piss behind them. Lord Shithead mumbled to himself, "*Sigh* some people just need to learn that they're not tough..." he flew back to Bungie's headquarters only to find bad news. The Firing Bungie got sued OVER 9,000 moneyz by the Wigger that Lord Shithead killed's mother. So they fired Lord Shithead, which pissed him off very much. It resulted in the murder of Bungie's leader, Bill Gates. Cops came rushing to the Crime Scene, only to find out that poor bill was killed by a Sentinel beam, and they knew exactly who murdered him with one. Lucky for Shithead, he was already all the way over on Installation 03 before the Cops could put him in Jail. But now since his story ended right here, his wife dumped him and now he needs a companion to rule Installation 03 with, so ladies, would you like to date Lord Shithead? He has a big Sentinel Beam, a VERY BIG Sentinel Beam... Attempted Assassination Although the cops on Earth didn't find Lord Shithead, the Grunty inquisition did. On October 10, 2558, the Grunty inquisition launched a failed assassination attempt on Lord Shithead for 2 reasons, he murdered the wigger and they thought he was TOO powerful. Three Phantoms of the Grunty Inquisition flew down to Installation 03 attempting to pwn Lord Shithead. Each phantom had it's own group, Kwarsh leading a small squad of Grunts imbued with the bomb ass Gruntiness, another having Elites and the other having Soviet Russians. Little did they know that 3 Phantoms filled with Kwarsh and his Grunts, Elites, and Soviet Russians was STILL not enough to bring down Shithead's legion of Righteous SWAGG. When the Phantoms came down to Installation 03, Shithead first flew over to the Soviet Russian Phantom. Shithead did his usual rude greeting (jerk...), then suddenly, one of the Russians pulled out a Shotgun and said "In Soviet Installation 03, Shotgun shoots YOU!!!" then the gun went pow, and the Russian did some kind of Russian chant, leaving Shithead injured but not dead. Then came in about a bajillion Sentinels and Enforcers to Shitheads rescue, starting another Installation 03 battle, AGAIN... One of the Enforcers grabbed the damaged Lord Shithead and threw an unlimited Drop Shield over him, and due to hax, you couldn't walk through it. Lord Shithead had an unstoppable force that even Kwarsh and the forces of Gruntiness couldn't handle, for every 2 seconds a new Sentinel was automatically being built, and every 6 seconds a new Enforcer was being built, because Lord Shithead is a smart muhfuckka and knew something like this would happen. Kwarsh yelled to his troops, "Get the fuck out of here! Lets go god dammit, do you fucking see how many dead bodies of US their are and how many active bodies of THEM there are? We need to leave, NOW DUMBASSES! Who's smart idea was it to try to assassinate Shithead? It wasn't mine I'll tell ya that!" so the surviving troops all falled back into their Phantoms and left like the pussies they were. They almost achieved their goal because Shithead was injured, but the next day Shithead was visited by God who decided to fully repair Shithead by kissing his boo-boos. It worked too, Shithead was as good as new. Yay! What he does Now He still rules...you know what installation it is. But now this is what he does to make money, he was hired by a grunt to watch over the articles of the very site you are on right now. He enjoys this job way more than his Bungie employement because he likes deleting retarded articles with his Sentinel Beam, he has a fetish for killing things (mainly small children) and it relieves stress....and it's a great way to stay in shape. He also stole the banhammer from the Forerunner king guy that killed his creator and now uses it to banish douchebags, idiots, and faggots (once again, he is a homophobe) from Gruntipedia. Other ways he contributes to helping Gruntipedia is carving sentences into article stubs with his Sentinel beam so they'll be longer, he crosses out sentences with his sentinel beams in article shots (those ones that are too long, I don't remember what they are called, don't ask me), and he keeps the Noobasauras Rex's from teleporting here, Gruntipedia has been known to have a Noobasaur problem, they've teleported here so many times that some douchebag actually made an article about them. He gets payed 700 Grunt Dollars an hour for doing his shit here, it's a great offer but Grunt Dollars are worthless on Installation 03, so he lazers Yapyap until Yapyap gives him Sentinel Moneys, notice the laser wounds on all of his limbs and brain, the brain zap left Yapyap a little retarded, but not retarded enough for it to actually be noticeable. So to all you dumbass users of Gruntipedia that don't know teh lulz like the others do, watch out! Shithead is watching you... Personality I never really told you what Shithead was like now did I? Well I'm going to now. Shithead is kind of like a mix of Charlie the Unicorn and Rick James off of the Dave Chapelle skit, by that I mean he is lethargic and disrespectful to everyone, mainly Women. He's a huge asshole just like his hero Kanye West and thinks he matters more than anyone else. But the thing is, he's such a huge ass because he's had a hard life and has been around too many Douchebags. I mean, he was sent to Installation 03 against his will, he witnessed his own creator get banhammered to the face, he was constantly sexually harrassed by a homo monitor, he got fired from his job at Bungie so now he's unemployed, his wife dumped him for that asshole medicant bias so now he has to raise Lord Shithead Junior all by himself, and the most depressing thing of all...his name is Lord Shithead. So yeah, if you've been through what he has, you'd be a total ass too. Shit he did *Interrupt the Call of Duty Humor wiki *Interrupt Kanye West *Murder 666 Satan's Assbuddy *Kill a wigger *Made 10 wiggers run away and piss themselves *Murder Bill Gates *Kill a whole army of AIDS *Called you a slut *Called me a slut *Called your mom a slut *Called your dad a slut *Called your dog a slut *Work for Bungie *Reproduced in some odd way and had a son named "Lord Shithead Junior" *Formed an army called the Powder Gangers *Rule Installation 03 (and he's still doing it) *Performed a vasectomy on Lady GaGa while she was asleep with his sentinel beam and lended her balls to Justin Bieber. *Directed a low budget porn movie called "2 Sentinels 1 Cup" *Became friends with Master Chief and The Arbitard while hanging out at McDonalds. *Had a Yo Momma battle with 343 Guilty Spark and 2401 Penitent Tangent *Took a dump (it's mentioned because robot's can't do this and it's amazing how Shithead could do it) *Tea-bagged 666 Satan's Assbuddy's broken robot parts. *Worked as a traffic cone in the roads of Harlem, New York (no gangs ever fucked with him, he was to intimidating) *Cried while watching Ol' Yeller (how can robot's cry) *(insert moar shit here) Trivia *He is the only famous Sentinel because the rest nobody care about. *He is the only Sentinel that can talk (to he is, because he talks to everyone, but every Sentinel can talk, but they only talk to other Forerunner inventions) *His favorite word is "Slut" *He loves McDonalds and has made his slaves build McDonalds buildings on Installation 03 *He is the only Sentinel able to grow a beard *His favorite rapper is Kanye West *He got his clothing from a dead Marine while he was on Earth *He doesn't love you *He once tried to attach the alpha hula hoop to his body, but failed epically and ended upreleasing hordes of flood upon poor, innocent (cute) Grunts. 1. In Soviet Russia, he does love YOU!!! *(Insert moar triviaz here) Category:Douchebags Category:Shit people complain about Category:Characters Category:Things you shouldn't use for intercourse Category:Mythical Beings Category:Your Mother Category:Unseen Characters Category:People who are old Category:People who can Kill Master Chief Category:People attacked by the grunty inquisition Category:Forerunner Category:Tall people Category:Smart Idiots Category:Assholes Category:Things that kick ass